My Husband Wants A Separation/divorce?


5 Answers

shawn n/a Profile
shawn n/a answered
Hey dianab1030,
I am so sorry for your current troubles, but wish you to be aware that you are not alone. My first suggestion to you is to be prepared for the worst! I am not saying it is going to happen and there is nothing you can do, but being ill prepared is not an option for you. This means that you need to get a support foundation under you... Family and close friends. Sit each one down and start by telling them you do not want them to judge your husband, but are making them aware of the situation so that you may seek help if he does leave. Every time they try to talk down to you about your husband, adamently tell them that you are seeking reconciliation with him, and they are not helping by attacking him. Next, contact a family counselor or priest (someone of your religious affiliation) and seek counseling for techniques to try and bring your relationship closer... See if your husband will join you... I am betting not, but you can tell him to stop asking you to PROVE your love for him when you are the only one seeming to fight for your relationship. Finally, talk to an attorney. Tell him you are not seeking a divorce, but want to know where you stand if your husband attempts to file one... Be practical and ask about living arrangements and finances.
Now, looking at what I see from your description of your husband... On first look, I would say he is going through a severe mid-life crisis which has thrown him into a pretty deep depression. The alcohol isn't helping, because it is a depressant in itself, so depressing plus alcohol equals a faster decline into the dark realms of the mind. He needs help, and not just because of his desire to run away from you. It sounds as if he is trying to run away from everyone and everything in his life. I can tell from experience this does not work and comes to bite you later. He will go even further into depression once he realizes what all he has wasted.
My suggestion to you: First of all, stop trying to prove your love for him. He is attention seeking and you are rewarding this behavior. You want to prove your love for him in a meaningful way? Get him help! He won't want it, and will fight you and curse you for it... Most do when their faults and damaging behaviors are brought to light. Now, I am not telling you to stand up and tell him you are done telling him you love... I am not telling you to stop giving him attention at all... I am telling you to stop feeding his self pity. Gather His friends and His family... People that have shown him they loved him in the past... Talk with a counselor, and I would discuss the possibility of needing an intervention. If not to stop his drinking... I do not know from your description if I would classify him as an alcoholic or not, but at the very least he needs to be seeing a psychiatrist and possibly put on anti-depressants. For help on this front, you can go to Google or and type in help with depression for all kinds of support groups. Get his family and friends to help you to convince him to get the help he so richly needs and deserves.

I hope I have helped and have given you hope!
thanked the writer.
Diana Blackburn
Diana Blackburn commented
I just wrote you a whole thing and I have no idea where it is or what I just did, Bottom line is he doesn't love me I just found out yesterday that his aunt and cons in new this way before Thanksgiving, I knew nothing anyway we talked last night a little and he got in the truck and left just like he always does, he came back brought me something to eat then went into his room later that night stupid me went in his room and asked him if he wanted me, he said no, I said ok and went back into my room about 7am this morning he came into my room and it happened, afterwards he acted like nothing wrong, so he took the day off today and later this afternoon he's going away with his friend Eric for the weekend and I sit here as usual When I want to respond to your question what do I do click on add a comment or something else??????
shawn n/a
shawn n/a commented
I am so sorry to hear your pain in this. As I stated before, it still sounds as if your husband is depressed and he is and has been blaming you for his downward spiral. I still say your number one focus has to be to take care of yourself. I know you still want him back, etc. But you must remain sane in order to have him back. If in the course of protecting your own sanity, things drift farther apart for the two of you, at least you will be mentally prepared.
Don't expect me to slap your wrist for sleeping with your husband. You love him, and still crave his attention... any attention. Just be careful not to fall into the trap of believing that everything changed because of a few minutes in the sack. My first priority for you is still for you to get your own support system behind you... other than here. This is a nice way to get outside unbiased opinions, but you need a physical shoulder to cry on of someone you trust. I'm willing to wager that your husband has quietly and systematically helped you to push away most of the people in your past that you could have relied on... It is time to reestablish some of those roots. Expect some "I'm not interested"... but all you need is that one friend from days gone by that will sit with you and listen. Again ask them not to judge your situation, until you ask for their opinion, but tell them you need them to listen.
Fred Jones Profile
Fred Jones answered
It sounds like he feels that your love has grown apart. He is looking for the way things used to be and wants it to continue. Unfortunately, this is not reality. Partners become comfortable with each other and the newness wears off. Talk to him and let him know that you feel that there is a solution but both of you need to give it effort. Go to a marriage counselor by yourself and see if you can get him to go as well. Let him know that there is a way to bring the newness back and keep it fresh but also understand that he needs to compromise as well so that you both can meet in the middle and continue to be happy with each other forever.
Diana Blackburn Profile
Diana Blackburn answered
He's out of control he wants nothing to do with me or anybody, his behavior is so bad he leaves and gets a room drinks a bottle till he's sick and passes out, apparently there is nothing for me to hold onto, last night was it he wants to run away from everyone and never come back but in the mean time we have built this home together for 8 years we have 4 animals bills, and I lost my job and trying my hardest to get another one, when we go to get out taxes he wants to buy me a trailer and move me out he wants nothing to do with me and no matter how hard I try nothing works I think he's just going to hit rock bottom someday but I also have to remember he's going to be 41 years old  and I'm not his mother, I can seem to do anything... I'm scared I don't want to be alone and I still love this man oh so very much.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Ok now my husband is severly depressed and now told me he was a separation? Comfused I am, I don't think he really wants one.. I asked if we could go to councling and he said no! And I asked if he would go on some medication to help himself and he said no... I can't talk to his family cause he said I can't. What else can I do to keep this marriage going??? I want it to work out.. But feel like I'm headed no where!
Terrell Watkins Profile
Terrell Watkins answered
Well ask him why he wants it, tell him you all can always work things out and that way you all won't have to break up.

Answer Question