I to have been married for twenty five years and do want a divorce and my husband does not. I to feel no longer in love with him, as he is a very selfish man and only thought of himself and his career for the last thirty years. He is a medical doctor and has been a consultant for the last ten years. All twenty five years of marrage was only about him and what he wanted. I have three children and has been both mother and father for them during the years, as he had no time to bond with me and the children. He lived all these years like a single man, The cheating was endless, with me turning a blind eye to it so that my children stablity can be kept. For years I pretended to be happy for all my family and friends but no one ever knew how terrible he treated me. I have been planning my divorce escape for the last six years. I went back to University to retrain myself for the last five years and is about to graduate in the next six weeks. I have begun paying all my debts so I would not be leaving the marrage with any. My big daughter just finish a masters degree and she is now working. My eighteen year old just got into the Army, leaving me to only take care of the eight year old. We need to do this for ourself and our children. I read above where you were told that children needs two parents, yes this is true if they both can get along living together, but the truth of the matter is we are strong women and can do this by ourselves. We also need to be happy. I prefer my children has a mother that is happy that is present and showing up in her own life, I am tired of chasing my husband dreams that does not include me, I have dreams of my own. Go ahead and get your divorce, because I am, and be a better and happier mother for your children. Don't beat yourself up about counseling, I tried it for eight months and to sum it up I was asked in little words to ignor my feeling for the sake of the children. I wish you all the best, but just the taught of me being free, happier around my kids, a new home and a life where I make my own choices and decisions sound dam good to me, Good luck my friend we both need it.
I can't do a thing to prevent it. It is never an easy process to get a divorce as people always say they will be civil going through it but when you start speaking of splitting the possessions, everyone gets greedy. You just have to make sure you have everything in line. Speak to a financial planner so that you know you and the kids will be taken care of. Then speak to an attorney to file and get the ball rolling.
My ex began the process on me and I gave her and the kids everything and then she got more greedy and I put up my defenses and began stooping to her level. I caught myself in the middle though as I realized it was hurting the kids more than anything else. I found, as it turned out, she had been planning ahead for several years to get a divorce and had herself financially set with no way I could touch those assets and I must give her kudos for that.
The bottom line is that it is all about the kids so keep them out of it and do not use them as tools as my ex had begun to do. I have a much better relationship with my kids since I backed off when she began putting them in the middle. It was hard because at first, they thought I didn't care as I let things go and broke contact. Once they realized their lifes became so much easier and what the root cause was, they began to contact me and it made it all better.
Of course, I became very depressed and now that I have lost my job/career, I am working to recover once again. Most of the battle was the realization of it all. Just wish I had seen it before I let my job go in the toilet.
Go to a lawyer and he/she will take care of getting the divorce for you. You don't need to ask your husband, the judge will tell him to be out by a certain date. If then he STILL won't go, the police will come and remove him. It happened to my sister.
I can't advise you on legal things as I live in UK and I'm guessing you live in the USA...BUT... The very first thing you should do (you should have done it BEFORE mentioning divorce, ideally) is make sure you have your own bank account in your name only. If you have a joint account, open a sole account and transfer half the money. I can assure you that your husband will turn into a financial monster from now on. They always try to turn the screws on you financially as its the last way they can exercise control over you. Believe me, I made the mistake of marrying 2 controlling abusive men, and I was amazed at the way they turned into spiteful misers, even though the reasons for divorcing lay in their hands. Do everything you can to secure some financial independence as quickly as possible. The very next time he is abusive to you or your children, wait for him to go out to work or wherever he goes, phone an emergency locksmith, and while he's round changing your locks, chuck all of hubby's stuff out on to the front step with a note saying 'A taxi is coming to pick you up, if you don't get in it, I'm calling the police.' Call a cab to arrive around the time you expect your husband to get home, and make sure your kids are out playing at someone Else's house, or in the cinema when this is happening, so they don't have to be afraid inside the house while your husband inevitably shouts at you through the door! If you think he will get violent, call the police and tell them what's happening. But don't let your kids be around or in the street, in case he takes one of them away with him in the heat of the moment. Your kids safety and security is the most important thing to bear in mind. If their lives are miserable now, do what you can to remedy that.
Well I do love my "husband" as a friend. He is my best friend no doubt! But I've always felt as if that's where it ends.. We have 3 children together. We both love them madly. And they make us happier, individually, than we've ever been before! But that doesn't keep us from arguing constantly. Ignoring eachother's needs. Always having that "brother sister relationship" and craving something more from an outside source.. He has a hard time accepting this, but he has admitted in the past that we moved way too fast and I know in my heart that we both deserve better than what we give eachother. Even if that means raising our kids alone and seperated. The emotional and mental stress and drainage that we cause eachother is almost more than I can bare. And I say almost because somehow I've managed to make it 6 years without completely abandoning him. We seperated for two months just this last year. I realized it'd be easier for us financially to stay together until we each were stable enough on our own to provide for the kids; who again mean the world to us. We wants best for them, but we do not get along. Every single day is a new struggle and extreme effort to keep our family together. We've been through a lot in these past 6 years and so it makes it very complicated. But we aren't "happy". Not as happy as we should/deserve to be.. And I've grown so exhausted from it all. I asked him to allow space between us so that we could attempt to mend whatever is wrong and hopefully come together again in the future stronger and closer than before, but he repeatedly bashed me for "doing that to the kids" and demanded I not see or speak to anyone other than him or else he'd keep the kids from me. He harrassed me every single day. Even into the morning after we'd put the kids to sleep. (He had our two youngest and I had our eldest). It was more strain than I could handle.. And so I caved. We are living in the same home now. I reassure him every now and then thay someday I am going to "break free". He just sits around and tells me I'm wrong, crazy, exaggerative, wrong.. I'm at a loss. I can't turn to my family - they ppractically disowned me when they heard of the split. Very old fashioned. I'm just lost and confused. And I don't know how much more I can take.
Yes Get an attorney and proceed with the divorce. There are no laws in America anyways that state you HAVE to stay married if you choose to get divorced. In some instances, you can force the hubby out of the house. Ask your attorney how to do this.
Whatever you do, don't contact people that approach you to offer confidential advice. I replied to a post in a public forum claiming to be from a "doctor" that helps people in their lives... Instead, it turned out to be a COMPLETE SCAM!!!
I should have known by the poor spelling in his post and the fact that he was called something wacky like Dr. Onunu
He tried to offer to cast spells for me in return for a wire transfer. Luckily I wasn't dumb enough to fall for it, but some people do!!!
He can't legally stop you from divorcing him, but you may want to consider on what grounds you officially separate from him as it may have impact on how your joint assets are divided and what kind of custody will be granted over any children.
I don't believe you get a divorce - just because. There needs to be grounds that are personal to you. If you are unhappy and unable to make things work for the both of you then yes you can divorce him. Hire an atty, and your atty will walk you thru the steps and inform you of what needs to be done for one of you to leave the home. Don't always assume that it will be the husband to leave, sometimes it may be you.
Well, if he wont leave, why not try to work it out? What is soooo bad that you need a divorce? If it involves violence or adultery, I can see it but, if it does not than there is no grounds for either of you to want a divorce. Incompatibility, yeah, that does not work either. I don't think anyone is 100 percent compatible. "Wherefore, they are no more 2 but one flesh . What God has joined together, let no man put asunder" Matthew 19:6 Vows...till death do we part, right, or was that just a bunch of jibber jabber? I have seen too many people getting a divorce now days because they do not want to stick it out. Marriage is hard but if you want it to work, you have to stick with it. Please, reconsider and think about your actions. Rich Read Matthew 19 and I Corinthians 7 in the New Testament and see what Jesus and Paul say about marriage.
Karmabum, you trifiling ass women. It is a man that was making the post, but yet you comment as if all men are scumbags because "you" chose poorly. What an idiot. So, to make you look even more foolish, it was the mother who was using the kids as pawns, not the father.
Also, if both names are on the lease/mortgage, one or the other cannot just kick the other one out. They have to be bought out if a mortgage, or have to agree to leave... But yet you assumed abuse. You are damaged by your poor choices my dear, so please seek counseling and stop spewing your bad choices in men as excuses for a female (even though it was a male posting) to do in-amicable behavior, but for you, I'll say trifling.
I suggest marriage counseling unless he continues to be physically abusive. Your kids should come first and they only want mom and dad to live together. Hopefully marriage counseling will return that spark that you first felt. If it doesn't work, well at least you know you tried and will be able to tell the kids that. Divorce should only be allowed if there is abuse in the marriage.
