Does Divorce Destroy Children?


5 Answers

Joan Profile
Joan answered
I believe it depends on the circumstances and each divorce and all the children are different. In some cases a divorce can be not only painful for the children but can hurt them emotionally. Being forced to choose which parent to live with or being forced to take the side of one parent over another is extremely hurtful for the children. Listening to one parent constantly telling of the transgressions of the other parent is a hurtful thing. Having to leave your school or your friends is traumatic, as well. So, yes, a divorce can be a long painful process for some children.

On the other hand, if the parents were constantly yelling and screaming when the children were present, that can cause long-term damage, as well. If there was abuse, either verbal or physical, then getting away from that situation would be a blessing. Even if it was just an environment of distrust or blatant refusal to communicate, that is more than a child should have to endure and a divorce may well be a benefit for the child.

Small children often blame themselves for a divorce. They think that if they had been better or helped more or asked for less etc. Then Mom and Dad would have gotten along better. The parents in these situations must take the kids into consideration. They should set the child down and explain that although Mom and Dad are not going to live together anymore, it does not mean that they love the child any less. The parents need to express the idea that this is between the adults and has nothing at all to do with the child as far as blame is concerned. It would be best if this could be accomplished together...Mom, Dad & child.

And PLEASE, MOM AND DAD, do not talk bad about each other in front of the child.....EVER! If you think you are the wronged party, do not tell "little junior". He will figure it out all on his own one day, without having it shoved down his throat. The child's life is going to be hard enough to adjust to without both of his parents together. Don't make it harder on him by telling him that one of the parents he loves is not a good person. Don't hurt your child while trying to get some revenge for your partner's wrong doing.
Sja BenAlex Profile
Sja BenAlex answered
Yes divorce affects children emotionally and traumatise them and leave many of them scared for life.
Mrs E Profile
Mrs E answered
All children involved in a divorce are affected, no doubt about it.
Sometimes it's for positive, sometimes negative.
It totally depends on the living situation before and after the divorce, the way the parents are with the children, what they talk in front of the children.
If you make a promise to the child, please keep it! That affects a child in a major way.
Speaking as a person who was that child, it was awful, but only because my Mum was an idiot about the whole thing. My Dad was and still is my rock and we were and are very close.
It totally depends on how you both adapt to the situation and make it easy for the children.
Let them know what's going on, as there's nothing worse than feeling shut out, be open and honest and explain they feel they can care for the child better apart than together. Don't abandon the children, there's no need and they are not at fault.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
In a way. Some children don't care who they be with and some do. For me, I didn't get a chance to really do the things with my dad because he lived somewhere else. It was occasional. I was the oldest child and I felt like I had to help my mom with the bills plus I had other siblings. As a kid I shouldn't have been doing a grown man's job, I should have been in a child's place. I sometimes have a grudge with my father because I felt like it wasn't fair, he should have been there and not me. I believe my life would be entirely different if I was being a teenager doing what teenagers do. I had to grow up fast and I should have been having fun.
Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright answered
Divorce does not necessarily destroy children per se as kids are resilient and bound back from these things and adapt to the current scenario around them. Divorces are never easy for anyone involved in a divorce but the kids actually fare better than do the adults in majority of the cases. Now there are always exceptions to everything.

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