My Husband Beats Me Up. What Can I Do?


28 Answers

lakeesha Hennessy Williams Profile
The answer to this question might be simple, but actually doing it will be one of the hardest things you will ever do.

You need to leave him, and you need to notify the authorities- it's easy to say this, but actually doing it is a whole other thing.

What to do if your husband beats you

As someone that has been in an abusive relationship, I can really relate to both sides of this story.

From the outside, there's nothing more frustrating than seeing someone trapped in a violent relationship.

Often the person involved knows they need to get away, but they simply feel like they can't.
When there's children involved, the whole thing gets a lot more complicated.

As someone that has been on the receiving end of domestic violence before, I understand that you might not want to give up on the relationship.

When I was with the guy that beat me, I kept coming back because of all the wonderful things about him.

But eventually you will realize that no wonder how great he is- if he can't control his temper then he simply doesn't deserve to be with you. The key is whether that moment of realization will come in time!

Getting out of a violent relationship

The thing that finally got me to give up on my violent partner was one night when he took things too far and knocked me unconscious. He then left the house with me lying on the floor out cold, with out 6 month old daughter left unattended.

This made me realize that the situation was starting to affect the well-being of my kids, and that is when I managed to break that fear barrier.

And essentially, that's the issue. If you are stuck in an abusive relationship- it is because you are more afraid of being without him than you are of being with him.

If you let things continue, that balance will change- trust me! But do you really want to wait for it to happen?

He can threaten to find you, kill you, take your kids away- but you can't let any of that intimidate you. These are exactly the kind of threats that a bully would use when he's afraid of losing control.

There's more support than ever before for abused women, so don't hesitate for one second more. Get in touch with an organization like Women's Aid as soon as possible.

Calling them doesn't mean you've decided to leave him for good or anything like that, but it's the first step to admitting there's a problem you need help dealing with.
kimberly voss Profile
kimberly voss answered
I myself was an abused wife. My husband at the time would hit me and tell me if I had not made him mad it would not have happened.

He broke my ribs, bruised me, locked me in closets, put me down in front of others, called me names and told me no one else would want me because I was worth nothing.

He refused to let me cook, clean or do anything. Because he said I was not smart enough. This also happened in front of my sons.

The beatings got worse so I had to leave.

Now my life is better. I am going to college and in a good relationship. My advice to you is to leave and get help repairing your self esteem. I can tell you from experience that it takes a long time but in the end it is worth it.

You are worth more than letting a man beat you. If you stay it will never get any better no matter what he promises you.

It is not your fault for what he is doing. I always thought it was my fault but learned through therapy it was not. He needs help for his problem. Unless he helps himself you cannot help him.

I know it is painful to think of a life on your own but it gets better. The love of friends and family can help you. Good luck.
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bekah commented
Just one question how long were you with him, and how could you not have seen that when you were dating him?!!!???
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Leaving will be hard. You just need to do it now. The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. You are worth so much!!!

Save yourself now. Leaving him will be yor first step into a better life. He will harrass you. Do not show him any fear. Abusers need to make their victims have fear. That is the only way he feels good about himself.

Go to the police station and file a CPO and tell them to give you info on resources to help abused women start a new life with support.

Do you have children? If you do that is the reason to get out NOW! If not they will become abusers or the victim. Protect them and yourself. Take care!!!
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Anonymous commented
Im a 22 year old woman who is also in a extremely abusive relationship. I have broken bones, scars, and fractures because of it. Im also trying to figure a way out!
Kath Senior Profile
Kath Senior answered
This is a very difficult problem to deal with. It may have been going on for some time, perhaps with emotional and psychological abuse as well. You will probably be suffering very low esteem and perhaps even thinking that this situation is your fault.

The first thing to realise is that it definitely is not your fault. One person cannot be 'made' to hit another; it is something they choose to do. They may do it in anger because they lose control, but you do not move their arms and fists and make them hit you.

Have you told anyone else what is happening? Try to confide in a friend or a relative to get some support. You will need to decide what to do. If you still love him and want to stay and work it out, then you need to try to get yourself and perhaps both of you some help with a counsellor.

You must not just put up with being abused and beaten. You do not deserve this.

If you want to get out, you need to find some way to do this. It is often more difficult than you expect because an abuser will do everything in his power to stop you.

The violence may get worse, so you need to get away. If you leave and he stalks, follows or harasses you, you need to see a solicitor and get an injunction against him. The police have very little power to help, unless you call them about an incident that has just happened ~ even then he may be back a few hours later.

Your GP may help, or you can contact local groups that run refuges for women. But you need to ask for help; even people who may have noticed don't want to 'get involved'. But your real friends will support you and will help you become independent again.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Are you serious? So, he's a woman beater then? I have no respect for women beaters whatsoever.

Turn him over to the authorities, meaning the police. Send him to jail. Don't be afraid! He can't harm you from behind bars!

In the meantime, if you have any family where you are at, go and stay with them until things cool off. You shouldn't tolerate a man beating on you like that. Who the hell does he think he is?

I wouldn't have that! I grew up with two boys so I know how to defend myself if it ever came to that, you know what I mean? I don't have that! You shouldn't either. A man putting his hands on a woman shows that he is a coward, that's all that he is.

Get out while you can. Leaving isn't difficult when he disrespects you like trash. Girl, leave that S.O.B. And find a man who will treat you like the queen that you are.
ruqayyah afzal Profile
ruqayyah afzal answered
I am living in Fujairah, United Arab Emirates.

It is the seventh year of my marriage and my husband has been beating me up continously even when I was pregnant.

I have one daughter and one son I have no one to help me - and he knows that and he also said that I am poor and cannot do anything and he has many sources especially in the police so I cannot even inform them.

I really tried for the sake of my children to make my husband happy but he continously cheats on me and hits me badly and abuses me in front of my children.

He told me to take my daughter away and leave my son and go away from his life but I cannot leave my son I just want both of my children with me and I want to leave him but I have no one to help me.

Please help me, I am really tired of being hit all the time. He once broke my rib. Also, I  am originally from Pakistan and also him. Please help me .
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Anonymous commented
Take your son and get out of there while he sleeps. You will do your son a great disservice if you leave him with your husband. Take your children and run away. Don't look back.
Anonymous commented
Find a place where you can stay.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My husband's violence towards me has escalated over the past three years.

First it started with pushing me, then he graduated to using anabolic steroids and chasing me and hitting me. I had surgery and he hit me where my wound was.

Even after all of the cheating and torture he put me threw some of my family members tell me to try to work it out.

I have a child and a college degree and I am at a loss that society would treat me so dishonorably. I feel judged and persecuted. I just want support and my dignity back. Is it that bad to take pride in yourself and want to feel safe happy and loved.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My husband beats me up in front of my daughters I can't leave him as I don't have anywhere to go my family do not support me they don't want to get involved I think he might kill me
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Anonymous commented
My husband abused me and my dog so I gave the dog away to save him from the abuse and I stayed for two more years. I loved my 15 years old Lhasa Apsos Rudy more than myself and I miss him I wish he was here right now.
Ira Rus Profile
Ira Rus answered
My husband used to beat me at lot when we got married. I was so thin. So I found a solution. I started gaining weight. Increased my strength. I was mentally determined now.

I didn't take it as a joke now. One day he hit me really hard, that day I got really angry.
I always used to cry after he used to hit me but this time I gathered all my strength and started hitting him hard with both my hands. I didn't stop. I got mad. I continued hitting him.

He tried to grab my hands but I din't stop. I told him that if he'll hit me again then I'll hit him with anything which will get in my way be it iron rod.

I showed a kind of madness on my face and started shouting and hitting him until he got really tired and until he got scared.

After that incident my husband always avoids hitting me because he knows I have more strength to hit him back and he's also scared.

By the way, we both love each other a lot. Hitting is like a habit which he must have learnt from his parents or somewhere else.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My husband hit me today ... Multiple times.... I have just had lymph nodes removed from my breasts and have been recovering from my surgery which took place just this week...

He is upset as he has to now balance his office and work in the house and look after me (I have no other support as both my parents are dead).

I try and help in any way I can but I am limited by my surgery and my right hand is almost useless....

He got upset today when he had to put on a duvet cover all by himself and was mad at me for putting the old one in the wash.

My surgery wound hurts like hell right now ... I live in the UK and I have no one else to go to in terms of family... Can someone please help?
Kimberly Ransdell Profile
First of all I would like to say I am sorry you have been put through this. Next, get the guts up and call the police and get a restraining order. There are shelters out there to help battered woman and children. Please seek help immediately.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Some men are just not saved and will beat their wives as a tranferance from another abuse done to them.

Do not stay!

Contact Woman Helping Woman and get out of there.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You should stand up for yourself!

Fight for what you believe in. And if he tries to beat you again, if you have children, quickly grab them and get out of the house. If he tries to hurt you any more, run to a room with a phone and a lock on the door then contact the police. I would do that.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I got married two years ago.. We've a baby boy of 10 months.

It all started when I got pregnant.. At first he used to push me then gradually he got more aggressive and started hitting me with his hands.

He threw me against the wall with full force..he slapped me..I don't know what to do.. He really loves my son and if I leave him he will take my son away from me and I don't want to lose my son at any cost... I am very depressed. Please help me!
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Anonymous commented
As im readig what your saying, im starting to cry because im in the same situation. And i dont know what to do. My daughter is 10 months and literally the other night my fiance got mad because i lost some reciept so he couldnt get the new iphone and choked me so bad that i literally thought i was about to die. He did this RIGHT in front of our daughter, i feel so bad for her but i do love him, and he used to be so different. I honestly dont know what to do.
bekah Profile
bekah answered
Next time he touches you threaten to call the police and if then again if he hits you then call the police and report domestic abuse.

If you think this is too risky, leave after he goes to asleep (so he can't stop you from leaving) and don't EVER look back!!!!
Dhananjay Pandey Profile
You should get a divorce or you have any male friend then take their help or tell your problem to your family member, not his though...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Leave them and be happy. I know it's not easy girls but you've got to do what you got to do!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
My husband calls me names and shouts at me in front his parents and nearly tries to hit me. I am really unhappy with my life? Please help me I feel like killing myself......
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Anonymous commented
Don't kill yourself , he will Kill himself first, he is wrong and in sin as he should not hit the wife of his youth nor treat her treaterously... Says the Lord, He is in Deep trouble and needs help , He should go for Counseling and you should seek your Pastors help for Prayer and Solace. God is there always and loves you very much, You are his child and he wants you and your children to be safe and sound. No one should beat on you , you are a child of light and hsi Holy Child... Jesus loves yu
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
All of the suggestions above are good, but you might not willing to break this relationship that easy, or somehow you are used to of all of this.

Simply sit with him when his mood is right, tell him clearly that whatever happened is gone, but now if you one more single time are going to do it again, then you will have no option but to report it to police and seek separation.

It is definitely a big decision but it's better then being beaten again and again, and blaming yourself. He's responsible for all this & it's most important before you lose your self confidence and self esteem that you can proceed in life without him as well.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If I had it to do all over again, I'd have left him before we were married.

My experience is too long to write, and yours will be too if you don't leave or get help. One situation over another, the pile just grows, and before you know it, it will take a bulldozer to move.

Save yourself and your children before it is too late.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have been married for last three years and have a two year baby girl.

My in-laws and two unmarried sister-in-laws have abused me from the first month of my marriage and still they insult me.

Bad thing is that my husband also insults me and many times has beaten me in front of his family and in private also. He has beaten me even when I was pregnant.

I left him for one month but came back realising that what would be my daughter's future without her father.

I also love him but he is still the same, how should I cope with him and his family as I don't want to leave him?
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Donald Reid
Donald Reid commented
when he is asleep take a baseball bat and beat the hell out of him...
Yo Kass
Yo Kass commented
Would a criminal conviction really help her situation though??
Donald Reid
Donald Reid commented
Afterwards call 911 tell them there was a burglary...
Jones Nicole Profile
Jones Nicole , how i get my ex back, answered

My boyfriend of two years beat me because I accused him of seeing another girl.

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