I Found A Job In Another State But My Wife Refuses To Move. Can She Do This? How About Our Kids?


8 Answers

Jo W. Profile
Jo W. answered
Hi Superman71!

I'm sorry to hear your dilemma.

As a woman in the workforce I have left a few jobs over the years due to harassment and health issues, each time with my husband by my side (OK, so twice he really thought I was nuts, but I was much better off for having left and was able to eat and sleep again!).

My situation was not as stellar as yours because mine was the secondary (disposable) income, not the primary and basically contributed to the "extras" involved in running a house and raising a child. I felt that had I stayed I would lose my mind! I would come home at night drained of energy, not wanting to do the simple things like cook, eat or sleep. Have you heard the saying "When momma ain't happy…" well it applies to papa too!

My questions are:
1. Is there a position in your current state that is comparable to the position you found in the new state?
2. Is there a possibility that you can afford to take a small pay cut, perhaps downsizing your job and/or responsibilities in a different field?
3. If you are willing to take this pay cut, would you be willing to go back to school to pursue either a field you are interested in or to further your current field?

Talk to your wife. I think it would be unfair to uproot the children at this point, especially since school is already in session and they have their ways and friends.

I think it would be a good thing to lay everything out for yourself first and then bring it to your wife. Once you are at peace with this situation I suggest that you send the children to a friend's house for a sleep over and spend the entire night talking about this. Your darling wife may be much more receptive to your (collective) plight and have better ideas than you are giving her credit for. You must give her the credit she deserves. After all, she does love you.

The brain is a terrible thing, Superman71; please keep this in mind. It will play tricks on you and make you "see" things that really aren't there. It will encourage you to have terrible thoughts if you let it. You must learn to separate from your brain for just a little while to see the facts as they are. Remember, NOTHING is black, NOTHING is white. IT IS ONLY GRAY.

Please let us know how it goes.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Your question is "can she do this"? Yes, she can do this. Marriage and partnership is not about one person; it is about both partners. Legally and morally she has a right ot refuse, just as you would if the shoe were on the other foot.

The question is about what is best for the family unit, since neither of you can be ocnsidered apriroity and have chosen a famly unit. Both of your opinions should be heard and considered. It may be helpful to make a list of the positives and negatives for both of you for both choices, and to discuss them together. If you cannot do this objectively, it owuld be helpful to find an objective third party to help discuss. So many times this type of decision is not based on the move itself, but in some other issues that remain hidden until there is good discussion. I wish you and your family the best.
Fidel Trinidad Profile
Fidel Trinidad answered
Family first,job later.Your job in another state wont bring you happiness if it would cost you your family unless of course you want your family to break up,which I think you don't want.Be content with your present condition.I think your wife is not complaining with the status quo because if she does she will support you.It takes a little bit of "sacrifice" on your part.The family that stays together is more precious than all high-paying jobs put together in this world...May the Holy Spirit enlighten you more...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Responsibility is a steady paycheck. Unfortunately, I have been 2200 miles away from my family because I could not find employment in my home state due to the economy.Family before income?
Who pays your bills? It is a mans responsibility to take care of his family.  Take some low paying job and let the kids go without? My Wife is taking good care of my daughter and I get home as often as possible. If it weren't for me having to do whatever it takes, my family would not have a roof over there heads. Family first, job later. Again, who puts food on your table?
becky mendez Profile
becky mendez answered
Hey I'm actually going through the same thing except I'm 15 and my family wants to move. I was on the verge of tears but sometimes you have to go with the flow. I'm not happy but you never know what a place is like until you have actually gone there. Good luck
Suhail Ajmal Profile
Suhail Ajmal answered
Your wife should support you and she must stand with you through thick and thin. She can refuse but she must not. You people should talk and resolve this matter. There is no matter in this world which can not be resolved by talk.

Obviously, one should have to step down to agree with the other. Your kids are a valuable asset and do not lose them. It is not a big matter. Your kids need your attention. Please try to find some other good job in your state if your wife doesn't agree.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous commented
What about the husband standing with wife through thick and thin? You are so chauvanistic in your answers! There are two people to consider in any partnership, and you are clearly biased.

Additionally, you continually answer medical questions related to female health issues as though you know what you're talking about, when clearly, you don't. What was that last one-- where you told some poor woman she would miscarry if she jumped up and down in her early preganancy she would be sure to miscarry?

Do you have no conscience about answering questions for which you are not educated/qaulified to answer? (which call for some knowledge beyond your opinion?)These are not questions of opinion, but which rely on sceintific/medical knowledge! I abhor your tendency to answer questions about which you have little or know knowledge.
vicki koronkiewicz Profile
Yeah , she can deal with. My mom flies to California of the week and works there & me and my family do just fine with out her.

Answer Question