Why Do Relationships Fail After Twenty Or More Years Of Marriage?

15 Answers

Robert Wagner Profile
Robert Wagner answered
There is only one reason relationships fails after so many years. Those involved didn't do anything to keep it strong, interesting and enjoyable. They met, fell in lust, got married and then lived life and never tended to their marriage. Businesses fail for the same reason. They start up, have a few great years and they think they can coast from all the hard work they put into it in the beginning. Not. If you want a hot relationship you must continue to put fuel on the fire.

Successful marriages take work, hard work by both parties
Will Martin Profile
Will Martin answered
There are endless reasons for this. It used to be said that seven years was the dangerous period ("The seven-year itch") because the excitement was gone but the closeness of long intimacy hadn't quite arrived.

Could it be because most people marry some time in their twenties or early thirties, so have typically been married for 20 years when they reach their mid-forties or early fifties? This kind of age is one when a lot of people start to think that if they don't change their lives or do something exciting now, they never will. "Something exciting" might include having an affair, going off to see the world or just giving up a steady career - all of which can have a disastrous effect on a relationship.

Or it might just be that people change so much over the years, that unless they have stayed very close and open with each other all the time, after 20 years one or both may find that they no longer have much in common with their partner.
1 Person thanked the writer.
Mary Frederick
Mary Frederick commented
Thanks! I think this is always a sad situation!
JoMar
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
My husband and i started dating at 16 got married at 19. Had our first child at 20. He is 41 ,I am 40. We have a daughter 20 and a son 15. We have Always had a good relationship but have had MAJOR financial problems and stress our whole marriage.we are under more stress than ever now. We don't talk unless were fighting.we act like we hate eachother and we don't. I feel i am fussing at him all the time.I HAVE changed and am opening my eyes to things i didn't notice before.I donot want it to end.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Honestly, to answer your question, nobody really knows why a marriage can fail after 20 or more years. But in my opinion, it can fail because in the beginning it just was never meant to be and sometimes it can take years for one to discover that.  You can lose passion for your mate, interest, and love. There isn't no right or wrong answer to this question. After 20 yrs, you shouldn't grow farther apart from your husband or wife, if anything it should draw one another closer to each other. But often times, it doesn't work out that way. It can be extremely difficult to deal with especially after all those years, but in the end, it remains....it just was never meant to be. I hope I was some help to you.
misty travler Profile
misty travler answered
20 years is a long time to be with someone, married or not.  The individuals have to re-evaluate their lives together on a continual basis and keep the communication lines open.  Once you stop communicating because you think you know everything there is to know about one another, that is where things start to fall apart.  It doesn't have to be the same old same old all the time, there is always new things to talk about and learn together.  You both have to want to open new doors all the time instead of waiting for them to open for you.  Quit being lazy!! Everyone knows it takes more work to be happy than to just let yourself be miserable.  For those people I say Loving and being in a relationship for 20 years is reason enough to do the WORK....Just Sayin
marina lewis Profile
marina lewis answered
My marriage broke down after 25 years he was a good man and we are still friends we go on holidays together but sometimes you just drift apart for no reason at all it was just a comfort zone and there is more to life than that.

The mid life crisis, life begins at forty ,boredom and staying together for the children maybe when the children leave home they feel no reason to stay together.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
20 plus years very close always worked on us. 4 kids 3 together . We seperated 7 months ago & been on again off again. Mine was a combo of things. Step mom step daughter. we had her since 3 but when came home as an adult from college and problems continued everything got worse. Also we basicly adopted a 5th kid who is 11. changed dynamics. 3 of my 4 are off to college. So we had step parent issues control of me battles, empty nest was it for the kids now what syndrome. Financial problems. mid life crisis for sure and for 1st time in 21 years last month we both had our 1st affair. Both repented but repairing all of this has been to hurtful so we have walked away. 60 miles away, trying to figure out how to let the other go after, overcoming drugs, parentless child raising post 30 college, houses, coaching, cancer, bankruptcy, salvation and ministry and raising 4 kids we are very proud of. I believe we were meant to be, and could work but lack of willing effort is the only excuse....
Dano Villegas Profile
Dano Villegas answered
Long term marriages fail when both the husband and wife stop giving 100% and 100% each. Love is a decision you must make everyday and you know you're failing when you become selfish, because you're loving yourself over your spouse.
Donna Brown Profile
Donna Brown answered
People don't keep the excitement in the marriage the awe of remembering how much love they had for that person when they met them you have to keep love alive
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered

I'm 53 he's 48 married 21 years known each other 23 years. (Rough beginning). In some situations one may go into the marriage because they never were approached before and thought they better do it or miss out on something.

Charles Davis Profile
Charles Davis answered

They all don't as this statement says, some do. I've been with my wife for 23 years, so that statement is false. However some fall into this garbage of cheating and mistrusting. That is a mindset, and in order for a relationship to succeed people need to understand sex is not a relationship, and a relationship is not sex. If either is the basis of your marriage, you're doomed.

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
There r many reasons, but that doesn't always happen!! Some people stay together until they die!!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Is there life after you have been with one person for over twenty years and whats left for a man in his fifties,,anything! Are is it just hell in a different way. Can you be happy?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Because the man gets stuck. Divorce is a legal and financial horror. Wife gets pension that you would have had weather you married or not, totally unfair. Then you reach the point that you just want sanity at any cost. What normal male really wants to listen to a pain in the ass wife everyday and watch kids.

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