My Boyfriend Is In A Gang Called SUR 13. How Can I Talk To Him About It Without Him Thinking I'm Forcing Something Upon Him?


4 Answers

Oscar De La Huerte Profile
I'll be honest with you, confronting your boyfriend about his gang membership is going to be really difficult. There are a number of reasons why guys join gangs, and usually very few incentives to leave them.

Gangs like SUR 13 instill both fear and respect in the Latino  Here's a couple of ideas for getting your boyfriend out of the gangster lifestyle:

  • Encourage him to get involved in some other activity- being involved in a music scene or a sports team might be a good distraction for him 
  • Getting him to face up to the possible consequences - there are many programs run by police and ex-cons which are geared towards getting young men out of gangs.
  • Help him find a job - If he's making money legitimately doing something they he is interested in, he'll have less reason to be involved in a gang.
My boyfriend is in a gang, help!

Gangs like SUR 13 are a big deal all over the US. Although their home territory is Southern California, members are spread across the country. Getting out of a gang as widespread at that can be difficult.

Gang membership is based on loyalty and allegiance, and walking away from a gang can be very risky. It's possible that he'll be seen as betraying his brethren if he decides to walk away.

Talking to your boyfriend is important. Whilst the risks of being in a gang should be obvious to your man, maybe you need to really bring it home to him. Perhaps you could arrange for your boyfriend to sit down and speak to family members of victims of gang violence. Realising the human cost of gang activity might be the kick up the butt he needs.

Ultimately, getting your boyfriend out of a gang is going to be really difficult. You're asking him to leave his friends, income, sense of pride, security, and lifestyle behind - so the incentive needs to be major.
karl goodwin Profile
karl goodwin answered

Say goodbye.  You adopt a life rule that is 'you don't associate with gang members and your boy's friends must have a real life proper job'.  

Gang members a a bunch of losers. I'm a high school math teacher and have way more money than some thug cool dude.  

I'm cool, I can beat you up. That's nice. I drive a bmw. Gang member loser.  

I remember when I was in high school, there was always the cool dudes being cool at the back of the class. When I got to college they were nowhere to be seen. Oh they are still cool riding there yellow ten speeds in the middle of winter as I speed past them in my shiny bmw mini cooper. I'm glad I'm not a cool dude. I'm enjoying being friggin rich instead.

Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Take his hand and sit him down and say"I'm not forcing you to do anything but...
Arthur Wright Profile
Arthur Wright answered
He may not have a choice here as he may have gotten in over his head with no way out except a permanent one - so he won't be able to listen to you. But have him talk to the police gang unit about how to get out safely.
thanked the writer.
Rylee Hilton
Rylee Hilton commented
Okay.. It's not so much that he wants out or that I want him out.. But he doesn't really speak to me anymore.. I don't know how to talk to him without it being a fight.

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