My Husband Is In Prison. Got A Call From An Inmate Saying That My Husband Has Been Calling Inmates Gf, Saying They Love Each Other. They Have Been Writing To Each Other. I Called The Gf And She Said It Was True. Who Should I Believe?

5 Answers

Philip Kraker Profile
Philip Kraker answered
I worked in prisons as a counselor for a couple of years.  Your husband is in another world that you can't even imagine.  Life is way different in there and the rules and mores are not like ours out here.  So, for excitement, he may entertain fantasies like being with a young girl half his age just to make life seem worth living.  However, I feel that is weak and that he should remember who will be there for him when he gets out.  Maybe, no one.
I don't recommend continuing a relationship like you are doing.  You must be going out of your mind with worry.  Yet, in reality, there is nothing he can actually do but fantasize.  However, you should give him a dose of reality and tell him to cut the crap or you are moving on.  Don't answer the phone for a while when he calls, if you are into games, and he will realize just how alone and helpless he is.
If you care about your own mental health, move on and find a man who isn't into petty fantasies.  How is this kind of activity going to improve a relationship?  Why else would you want to interact with someone if not to improve things?
Good luck and use your head now instead of your heart.
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faith
faith commented
It's more than a fantasy for him, he has been cheating on me since we have been together, but he is so sly about it. He says that he is writing to these women because he wants more money. I was writing to him every day, sending him tons of money that I don't have, visiting him all of the time. He is very abusive to me and I filed for a divorce, but he has been crying to me to get me back, he says he loves me while telling them he loves them. I am done. Thank you
Philip Kraker
Philip Kraker commented
Good for you. No one deserves to get played by their significant other - ESPECIALLY by some fool doing time instead of getting educated and going somewhere in life and taking you with him. It can only get better for you now and I hope you don't let anyone do this to you again. Everyone is better than that!
Kim  Wxxxxx Profile
Kim Wxxxxx answered
I am glad you added more comments to your situation

"he has been cheating on me since we have been together"  This means there is no trust, which is a key ingredient in healthy relationships.

"He says that he is writing to these women because he wants more money."  Obviously he has no issues in leading on other women with his lies, which means he has no issues in doing the same to you

"He is very abusive to me and I filed for a divorce"  There is no excuse or reasonable explanation for abuse.  It is simply wrong and intolerable

"but he has been crying to me to get me back, he says he loves me while telling them he loves them"  This is probably a true statement for him, but clearly he lacks the ability to not be so selfish about him

Abusive men are low self esteem creatures with no regard for others feelings.  It is about control.  Recognize abuse is more than just physical but also emotional and psychological.  Save your money for yourself since he is having no issues in getting from other women and move on to a better fitted relationship as you deserve it

RELATIONSHIP 101

1.  Mutual TRUST for without it is constant doubt
2.  Mutual RESPECT for without it is eventual resentment
3.  Mutual COMPROMISE for without is is a one-sided self sacrificing relationship

ALL 3 should apply in both friendships and family for success.  Good luck and much prayers

I was in a 5 yr relationship of psychological and emotional abuse.  Happily recovered and happily married using Relationship 101.  It seems you are missing all 3 in the relationship with your husband.  It is time for him to be an ex and you to find another after you find yourself
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faith
faith commented
Thank you so much for your answer. I really don't want to get into another relationship, I have been through hell and back, and I don't want to risk that again. I would much rather be alone. Besides if I were to find someone else, my husband would make it hell for both of us, because he is like that. I don't want anyone to go through that.
Kim  Wxxxxx
Kim Wxxxxx commented
You get into a relationship when YOU are ready to share of yourself again and not before that. Now is the time to be "selfish" and work on you, your wants, goals, dreams, and desires. Once you feel your in a good place where you can take care of yourself, then you have the spare energy and resources to share a bit of yourself with another. It is never recommended to get into another relationship until you settle the old and settle yourself.
Krystal DeLaRosa Profile
Sounds like he is very insecure and looking for an ego boost. That is also probably the reason for his making your life hell if you were to date someone else.Men like this do not change. They are liars,cheaters and manipulators. You should leave him and enjoy life. If he tries to make your life hell, get a PFA on him and he will have no choice but to leave you alone or go back to jail. I think you really need to have someone in your life who will show you love,trust,honesty,respect. And you should not allow this guy to manipulate you anymore. He IS cheating and talking to other women. You heard it straight from the other woman's mouth. She has no reason to lie, but he does.
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faith
faith commented
Thank You. That is an awesome answer. I am leaving him, I filed for a divorce, but the hardest part of it all, is that we have 2 daughters ages 5 & 6.
Kim  Wxxxxx
Kim Wxxxxx commented
Precisely why you should leave him. Children have an innate feeling and idea when parents are constantly at odds, which has a more majore psychological impact for parents who can be on friendly enough terms when separated/divorced. This apart time gives you the time to heal and be happier which in turn translates to your children. Eventually dating into a healthier relationship teaches by example to your daughters they can be real and loving with the right one
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Why would you even think of staying with someone who went to prison???What did he go for??? I would get out of this relationship seen as he has been calling his girlfriend and tell him to go to hell!!!!! There are plenty of very nice men in the world and I am sure you can find one if you really want to. Better yet get to know yourself better and know what you really want before you go with another man you may just find you like yourself without a man in your life.
andrea g Profile
andrea g answered
You need to talk to him and get the facts straight. Don't ever just believe people especially if you don't know them. But only you know. You know your man. And if you don't trust him that is another thing. Trust and communication is number one in a marriage. You need to be straight with him and let him know what you know. You will find out the truth sooner or later.
thanked the writer.
Kim  Wxxxxx
Kim Wxxxxx commented
Your advice is VERY sound for the standard relationship. However, the way that Faitham has point blank stated he has a history of cheating & lying along with abuse is evidence that hubby has not mended his past and present behavior choices. Also, Faitham stated "im fed up". This is a strong sentence choice of words, which tells me, "been there and done it many times afterwards" and is quite over the repeat pattern of offense then apology and offense again.
faith
faith commented
I did talk to him and he admitted to it, since I told him I had already talked to his gf. He told me 2 days before I found out that he wanted me to have this girl stay at a motel with me and our daughters and also to pay for all of the food. I told him no, that I can't afford it, and he said "Don't you have a heart"? At this point in my life I don't believe a word that my husband says anymore. He is nothing but an abuser, cheater, and a user.

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