Anonymous

I think my parents are going to get a divorce. What should I do? I can't take this stress anymore

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6 Answers

Danae Hitch Profile
Danae Hitch answered

If you have a parent that you're close to, you might want to go to them and ask what is going on. Do it in a non-confrontational way. Remember, you're a child in this family. It's not your job to keep your parents together - it's their problem to work out. Try not to take sides in this. I've been where you are and it's generally not pretty.

I had other siblings that I helped raise, so that kept me busy. I was involved with choir at school and babysat for neighborhood families in my spare time.

If there is a friend that you can talk to about how you're feeling, do so. Keeping everything bottled up is really not good. If you're having trouble with your school work, talk to the counselor there to see if you can get some help. The marriage may be failing, but you don't need to go down with the ship. Good luck.

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Why Who cares
Why Who cares commented
But whenever I'm alone with one of them they always talk bad to me about the other one... How am I supposed to respond to that
Danae Hitch
Danae Hitch commented
Mom / Dad, I love you both so much, however, trying to put me in the middle of this situation is really stressful on me. I won't talk bad about _____(mom / dad) and I don't think you should either.

Then relocate to your bedroom if the comments don't stop.
Why Who cares
Why Who cares commented
I wish it was that easy... They would try to talk to me and im OT the mind of person to do that
Bikergirl Anonymous Profile

Talk to them .. As much as you are entitled to input in your family's issues, your parents have to work out their problems one way or the other.  Hopefully, they can come to an amicable way to deal with their problems .. Even if it means divorce. Believe it or not, some people become better freinds AFTER they divorce. Divorce is not always 'the end of the world'. There are somethings far worse.

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Why Who cares
Why Who cares commented
But it's hard what if I mention then splitting up and they say there not then there going to think im feeling depressed and the will try to send me to therapy because all of my friends are depressed and my life. Is falling apart
Danae Hitch
Danae Hitch commented
What's so wrong about going to therapy? It will give you the tools that you need to deal with this situation and other life situations as they come up.
Why Who cares
Why Who cares commented
I'm not the type of person to talk about my problems
Tom  Jackson Profile
Tom Jackson answered

First of all, if they do divorce,  Understand that you didn't cause the break-up, realize that you can't fix it, and always remember that it's not your fault.

And you will survive if it happens.

I know living with this kind of uncertainty can be extremely stressful.

Talk to the parent you feel most comfortable with as Danae Hitch suggested.  Tell them you are very upset because you have come to think that they are thinking about a divorce and let them know how upset that is making you.

And also as she suggested, find a friend or counselor that you can talk to.

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Why Who cares
Why Who cares commented
I can't talk to my parents I'm to scared and me and my beestfriend got in a huge fight and aren't friends anymore
Tom  Jackson
Tom Jackson commented
@Why Who cares

One of your comments was: "I'll try but I feel like its my job to try and help them stay together."

To expand the second maxim I wrote in bold type---realize that you can't fix---means that there is nothing you can do to affect their decision to stay together or to divorce---Because you have no power to do that.

You can refer to a sunrise or a sunset, but if you actually want to launch a rocket to the moon, you will have to realize that the moon and the earth both revolve around the sun---and it's not the sun that actually moves around the earth.

In other words, even if you "feel it's your job to try and help them stay together" that doesn't make your thoughts or feelings "true."

Find another adult you can trust, talk to a school counselor, or swallow you fear and talk to one of your parents.

Or sit there and suffer.

I'm not being mean, I'm just telling you there are only a few ways to handle this and there are not many options.
Why Who cares
Why Who cares commented
I know and im trying but everytime I'm about to tell someone I go to my room and cry.... It's hard
PJ Stein Profile
PJ Stein answered

I am sorry your family is going through this. I know it is hard on everyone involved. My parents split up when I was 13.

You need to talk to one or both of them and let them know how stressed you are. If you don't feel like talking to them, maybe talk to an aunt or uncle, or a grandparent.

Unfortunately your parents might be so entrenched in their own emotions they are not realizing how much you are hurting. It doesn't mean they don't love you. It just means they are human and overwhelmed.

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Why Who cares
Why Who cares commented
What if I tell them and then my parents don't get divorced... There going to think I made it all up
PJ Stein
PJ Stein commented
No they won't. Your parents must be going through a rough patch. Almost all marriages do. You are feeling the tension. Whether your parents work it out or not, you are feeling the effects. Quit making excuses and talk to your counselor.
Why Who cares
Why Who cares commented
No. I can't.
Shady Stellar Profile
Shady Stellar answered

I am sorry darling, here's what you need to do :

1. Tell your parents no matter what happen, you still love them

2. Ask your friends to cheer you up

3. Distract yourself by learning new music instruments or join volunteer project

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